hello outer space

im doing a follow-up post on my miscarriage as I can’t find anything on the web. I’ll give a brief-as-I-can recap and then start with the follow-up.

miscarried at 9.5/11.5weeks. I was given 3 choices: D&C, natural, cytotec. I chose cytotec because I didn’t NEED a D&C ( and didn’t want the recovery time) and the natural was creepy to me.

Cytotec is either new in the states or not often chosen or written about. My pharmacist wasn’t able to give me any info on time frame. I researched it. There was some stuff on that.  I gave my gyno hell about not telling me ANYTHING. Note:  I only had Tylenol 3.

i inserted on a Friday  ( though I understand it is sometimes given orally). 4 hrs in I took the Tylenol. At 6 hours I went into labor. It lasted 30 minutes and I could feel contractions starting as well as getting stronger and closer together. Very little happened. 4 hours later, same thing but with big chunks, my water actually broke, and one pass of what I thought was sac.  Heavy bleeding followed. The next day I was just tired with heavy bleeding. The 3rd day (Sunday) I went to poop and, with no warning, the sac-with placenta attached-,  came out. I then bled for 2 weeks, had a week off and my body kino of had a period. It took 5 weeks for my HcG to go down.

Since then I have had a 2nd period. Yes, it was heavier, like they said it would be. What I wasn’t told and cannot find info about is “post-partum” . I realize that I was barely pregnant but-at least for me- my body seems to have registered this pregnancy. This is the reason I’m writing this. From what I can find on the web, there is nothing.

here are my “post-Parton” symptoms: I have acne, my weight is all over the place, I DEF know I’m ovulating because I leave fucking GLOBS of ya-ya on my better half, and my post-preg-emotion-nobaby shit is off the charts. I have heard of women having thoughts/actions about their kids/family after pregnancy but I didn’t think I’d be going fucking apeshit defending my husband and our goddamn kitty-litter choice. I’m so protective and private these days that it’s weird. The weird thing is that pregnancy calmed my anxiety and THAT seems to have stuck. I’m WAY more unwilling to deal with shit now ( like, I used to take it and now I just call a person out) and very little bothers me like it used to. I’m actually calmer. (I REALLY LIKE THAT)

it’s taken 2 months for me to “get back to normal. I’m  now a little more energetic, I’m interested in sex, I’m not nervous about being pregnant again , and I laugh like I used to. I know that during this time I also lost my dog. That was harder than the miscarriage. Those feelings definitely impacted a lot but should not have changed certain aspects of my being.  But I also know how I handle grief and I know my body and a lot of things weren’t normal.

If you stumble upon this, please ask.nif I don’t know, I’ll ask for you.